Strength....

We sometimes take this word for granted to mean we ourselves must have strength, but sometimes you have to lean on those closest to you. The last 2 days have been filled with laughter, good friends, good food and strong family bonds. My conversations have been insightful, funny, intense and down right knee slapping, crying, gut hurting hilarious.....everything from world politics to Disney characters:) We had a bye bye booby dinner last night where I was the guest of honor:) My peace is still in the eye of the hurricane.....

Right now, my strength is powered courageously by the gift of faith. In all of my prayers I use it as a tool to give glory to GOD....and so he knows I am listening:) We all have a plan and purpose and I truly believe after my surgery at 11:30 am Phoenix time and in recovery, my NEW plan and purpose will be revealed to me or will that be the morphine? I don't know why I just do.....or it could be the fried zucchini I ate last night...... faith also keeps the goal of salvation in focus for me....even with all of the worldly distractions, faith gives me confidence in things unseen and hope that my recovery will be limited.....I have too much hell and too many kids to raise!!

I have been trying to figure out (still) why me and why not me and why every woman and me.....but the reality is I am doing what I am supposed to be doing. I am where I am supposed to be. I heard Anita Baker sing a song or chorus line part...."Do what he sent you to do".....I have to get her new CD.....hhmmmm trip alone to Wally world sounds good today..... anywho.... yes....I am where I belong. I am supposed to be going through this in order to receive a blessing. Ya see, there hasn't been too many "shocking" things that have happened in my life. A few here and there but nothing like this....so I'm scared, anxious, still mad at cancer.....and will fight tooth and nail now to be instrumental in finding a cure.....but I am where I am to be and will do what he sent me to do.......I believe March 17th will be the day I receive a gift and in turn I need to find a way to give a gift....it won't be monetary ya know I'm broke....hahahaha....but that's what is on my heart right now.....

Does anyone know if my morphine drip will be green? Then I guess I will pee green too huh?....hahahaha....I crack me up, just a little Irish humor......My mom will be here tomorrow, she will need just as much morphine as I will....having a child in pain is no fun. My baby girl had a tummy ache last night probably from all of the pizza, soda and whatever else she ate while we weren't looking and it broke my heart....I can only imagine what my mom is feeling....maybe she will tell me and then I will share it.....

Well, I will be offline for a while, I have to save my Internet strength to do schoolwork, but I will have someone give you all an update....call me if you have the number....if I don't answer ~ don't take it personal....)

I will be writing a new chapter in my book of life....living my own story....not daring to imitate someone else's.....using this experience as an impetus to create the life I want.....it will be faith filled, hope guided.....and all the while.....SAVING MY LIFE.....