A New Decade

So here I am in a new decade…been lucky to have lived through 4 and would love to live through another 4 and beyond. So what do I need to do to make that happen? What can I control? Well, I’m back with the crazy nutritionist and maybe this time I will listen to her. So this year will be spent honoring one of my intentions and removing the unwanted fat from my girth.
I spoke to a sorority sister today and she asked me where do I find my ‘hope’. I told her when people try everything else instead of ‘him’ meaning GOD then they are just running in circles. It was interesting because in 1Peter 3:15 that particular passage tells Christians to be ready when someone asks you for your reason for hope. How good I feel about being obedient!! Hahaha!! Without even knowing I’m being obedient!!
So, I started to go to a Zumba class. It’s a Latin dance which burns about 800+ calories per session. My teacher is a little bitty ball of fire and I can tell you that I have not shaken my ass like that since I was 20 years old!! Thank you Stacy for introducing me to Zumba in Boston!!
I am working on my salt addiction as well…nothing against Mrs. Dash…she just doesn’t do it for me…but I’m working on it.
I go see my surgeon next week. Must see him every 3 months for right now, so I will certainly be updating my progress when I see him. So for now I continue to Honor My Intentions and Intentionally Be Honorable…..

Intention and Honor

I have just returned from a weekend of laughter, sisterhood and respite. For the past 5 years I have been meeting friends in a different city for all of the above and more. What this weekend does for me is rejuvenate, confirm and sustain me for the coming year. This year the numbers of women were increased because we received a tour of the White House and special tour of the Capitol. I have also gained new friends who I will cherish for a lifetime! Through my time in DC I meditated and really thought about what I wanted for
2010. I was reminded by a great saying from Shawshank Redemption….get busy livin’ or get busy dyin’…..

2010 will be the year of Intention and Honor for me.

I will Honor GOD by doing and not being doubtful

I will Honor my body by losing unhealthy weight

I will Honor my marriage by paying attention to the love and less worry about the socks on the floor

I will Honor my children by being present, listening and understanding(especially with my teenager) without abdicating my mommy status

I will Honor my scholarly life by devoting time to my studies and get that dissertation written! I will write my dissertation from intention as this means I have recognized and value my audience…the benefits for whoever reads it is to define a purpose helping to create a clear and determined message for the academic world….I will focus on the vein in the leaf…..

I will Honor my relationships by only surrounding myself with positive people…here’s what I know for sure…..we all have stormy seas in our life, but people who are engulfed by misery and commiserate with others like them bring chaos and confusion to a community…..I will reduce ad hominem conversation…..

I will Honor my finances by spending money in places that honor me as a customer and reducing wasteful spending


I will Honor the planet by getting my compost garden back in full swing and recycling more

I have decided in 2010 I will live the life I deserve and Do what GOD sent me here to do and the bonus is SAVING MY LIFE…….

See you after the NEW YEAR!

Coming up for air.....

It just never ends….The past few weeks have been hectic to say the least. I returned to the emergency room with a busted foot. I wish I could tell you that I was saving a child from drowning or responding to a suicide call….nope….I was walking into my house and hyper extended my foot….have been dealing with the pain for weeks…jeez….
I have been to 1 wedding and 2 funerals in the past month….and what I realized was…Some things are worth the money…like traveling to see my high school buddy find the love of her life...Love is worth it….divorce rate is high, people are not caring for their kids…too consumed in reliving their childhood….getting married for ALL the wrong reasons….I believe in love…because when a man loves you it’s evident and you don’t have to ask….does he love me??? …At the wedding ….the groom thanked GOD for her…that’s a man in love….
I attended my 3rd year residency for my Doctoral studies and received a 98.5 on my qualifying exam…I am mad at the points deducted…I will try harder next time:)

So most of my 6 weeks hiatus from my blog was hectic and now that the year is coming to a close it’s time for a spiritual check up. Here’s my plan:
1. I won’t question my faith, I will question my doubts.
2. I will grow as I relate
3. I will practice mind management….I think some people are stupid therefore I treat them that way….I’m working on this….
4. I will discard any and all things that distract me from GOD
5. I promise to forgive those who have hurt me….

And most importantly on this Thanksgiving eve…I will be immersing myself in gratitude….this time last year I was resting after having a biopsy that as we know would lead to my bi-lateral mastectomy….so grateful am I for I have been given a chance to grow, love and share….while SAVING MY LIFE…..

Journeys'

For the Love of Peete…..I need a medical detox….last week I spent my Wednesday night in emergency with my youngest son and a badly sprained forearm….and this injury has sidelined him from his football career and today I get a call that my daughter….my 7 year old has high cholesterol. How does a 7 year old get high cholesterol? I guess the same way her mama with no medical history of breast cancer has both of her breasts removed at 42 that’s how…..a medical detox indeed….this has been a week for tragedies….my cousin died from a massive heart attack and a family from the kids’ old school came home to find their husband/father dead. I have some really good friends going through serious medical concerns and through it all I am writing a dissertation, working, taking care of the house and family, helping a dear friend edit her book and running businesses….life is just hectic and I am grateful to be a part of it!!!

So I go to my breast surgeon and he gives me the green light, tells me my pathology reports all look good and see ya in a year. I go to the plastic surgeon and he clears me to finally get my tattooed areolas. So my surgical journey is coming to an end and here’s what I am learning:

My real journey is just beginning
I can’t control everything but I can try to control everything
I need to do what I was sent to do and I am figuring out that it includes Redefining the Impossible
My perfect bra is a sweatshirt
I continue to hold true friends near and wish my enemies dear (haha it rhymes)
Working on my dissertation has allowed me to write intentionally as I grow powerfully

Today is my birthday and as I get older here is what I know for sure….life is like an all you can eat buffet….what cold should be hot, what’s floppy should be stiff and we should learn to love it all……I know I am while I am SAVING MY LIFE……

Hypocrisy

The more things change the more they stay the same. Have you ever had the overwhelming desire to just slap the snot outta somebody?

Hypocrisy….. Yup I said it and I am about to call some people out…..last week my oldest sons football team played they’re old school. Yup the school I pulled all three of my kids from which was the best decision I could have made. Now most of the former parents I saw were decent, they always have been. With all groups you have idiots and the former school is no exception. Here are the highlights: One parent who shall remain nameless because even though I will call a person out I cannot afford a lawsuit, said to a kid as she went to their side of the field to say hi to former classmates…. “Boy your brave”….one of the coaches told my son “Hey Hunley (blank) is too quick for you”….wtf??? Don’t try to play mental games on my son….he’s like his mother, trash talking only challenges and motivates him.

I am incredibly proud of his independence and ability to brush it off. After the game he didn’t lament on the loss he relished in a good grade on his history exam and told me about his Religion and Math test..that’s my boy!! He’s independent, determined and fearless like his mother…Pick your battles and choose your wars I tell my kids and his battle is Math his war is Science. Pick on kids your own size too….bullies….I saw him laughing at one point so I'm pretty sure he was laughing at the ignorance of this coach…..What I find incredibly interesting is they didn’t say it where the parents could hear….what cowards…..I actually went to speak to the coaches and kids….I wish I would have known then that this coach said that to my son, I would have called his trifling ass out right there…..but GOD was with me and knew that stress is not what I need…..cause one thing I have learned with my condition is being civilized is part of being an adult.

Being Christian is who I am and if I need to pray a little harder to stay stress free and keep my hands to myself then that’s what I need to do…..now don’t get it twisted, let me hear them talking to my kid that way and the gloves are off. Luckily these assholes said it where I couldn’t hear and my son didn’t tell me until we were home…..keep my kids out of it….and coach your own kids….what is funny is even though the boys lost the game they played their hearts out….and by the way my son played awesome as he always does. And at 12, 13 and 14 what is losing a game to which when it’s over no one walks away with a check?

Ya see I’m an intellectual snob. I admit it and I carry that title well. I love the competition of the game…any game…but at the end of the day if you can’t read, write and do arithmetic your skills on the field mean nothing. It stands to reason my dissertation topic is centered on athletes, coaches, mentoring and behavior. So for any coaches out there who coach young kids….lighten up….and pssstt**P.S. the NFL called and they’re not coming to see your kid, my kid or any of the other pre-pubescent little tykes out there just wanting to have fun**….jerks.

So the hypocrisy comes when people are too busy thumping their Bibles to actually read it…….

Because when I am at my best, just like my kid, we radiate the right energy that draws the best people and situations helping us to accomplish superior achievements in all corners of our lives…..

This means that we don't get caught up in what other people think about us. I am teaching my children not to get caught up in achievement the way society classifies it. Instead, I want my kids to carve out their own meaning of success, beat any odds you come in contact with, focus on being the best human being you can and help your mama SAVE HER LIFE…….

The stitches are gone!!!!

But…..the edema is back. Luckily it’s only on one side so I can live with it. It can be painful at times but as I reflect and if I am being honest, the only thing I can do when I am in agonizing pain is flow through it with Grace and Dignity. My grandmother would tell me, how you climb the highest mountain is just as important as how you get down from the mountain and this life we live is not a dress rehearsal, so each test I am given is also a lesson I am learning. So I will try harder at getting on the treadmill…choose carrots over chips and hopefully this edema will not last long.

How will I be remembered? When I received my diagnosis, this was the question I asked myself….right after the why me question? As we move through this space we call Earth, the legacy we leave will have a lasting impression on those we leave behind. I want to be remembered for my wit and no nonsense attitude….my low tolerance for bull%$#@, my intentional fortitude but through it all being graceful. Now I’m not dying on anyone, so don’t go planning a memorial…..actually just had a check up and I am waiting for the lab results but I feel good, everything is moving correctly, nothing is hanging out where it’s not supposed to be and pointing in the right direction so I have no worries. I am so grateful for what I have and don’t worry about what I don’t have. In a recent conversation with a friend she related how scared she was about growing old. I told her she would be remembered as a worry wart…..let it go!!!I told her, let it fall!!!

Grace to me means letting my face embrace wrinkles, watching my ass drop faster than a speeding bullet, wondering where my collar bone actually used to be, but through the natural aging process I can lose my body, expand my spirit, find my grace…..while SAVING MY LIFE…..

Is it me?? Or has the world collectively lost their cotton pickin’ minds? You got mass murders in Mexico….President Obama now ex-advisor calling people assholes on YouTube and my all time favorite jackass of the century is the "pastor" who is crazy enough to tell people that GOD told him President Obama should die….shameless I tell ya, just shameless and disgusting. Things like this send me into a tizzy. My nutritionist….bless her skinny heart….tells me that stress keeps weight on a person. Well I need to stop watching the news before I am 850 pounds!!

Matthew 21:22 tells me “If you believe you will get anything you want in prayer.” Well I am praying for not only myself and healing (will get to my latest boob drama in a minute) but we need to pray as a country and not be so divisive. I never wanted to use my blog as a political platform….but I am compelled to do so today. How are you to call yourself a man of the cloth, wishing another dead? And a family heartache? How can a man who supposedly preaches the good news of Christ each week justify the destruction of another and then hide behind his version of the Bible? MY BIBLE does not tell me to hate and malign people. Even if you do not agree with a person’s politics or personal beliefs…to wish them dead takes it to a whole new level. Boy I’m sure glad he wasn’t in my prayer circle for the last 9 months or else I would have ended up in harm’s way!!!!! So I guess my lesson in allowing myself to even give his callous and despicable words voice on my blog is to watch who you ask to pray for you. Make sure the people praying for you are in alignment with your beliefs and values or you could end up in a bad bad place…..President Obama should read Psalm 139:5 where it tells me “GOD has protected you from harm”....that is all he and his family will need….or like my dear friend Diane says…get the Hoover out and start getting up all the dirt in your life….!!! Okay enough of my soapbox….

Went to the doc this week and I thought I was going to begin the tattooing of my areola to look more womanly….well that was a fleeting thought as some of my stitches are being stubborn and won’t fall out. I asked if he would just pluck them out and I received a frown and a firm no. I’m not going to take too many more of those no answers either….

So I must wait a month….this is truly a test of my patience. On my way home I almost wanted to tell him, never mind, I will live without looking normal and I then remember GOD doesn’t give up that easily so why should I? When Joseph’s brother’s dropped him in a pit, GOD didn’t give up…OR when the Israelites wanted Egyptian slavery instead of honey and milk, GOD didn’t give up. So, I wait another month, big deal. Some people didn’t have the options I have or the blessings I have experienced bestowed upon them, so I told myself to shut up and drove home.

Another interesting development was that my new boobs are lopsided….not much, actually just slightly but my doc stated we may do another surgery to “correct it”….I say hell to the no…..It’s not happening….they will have to strap me down and inject me with the most powerful sedative, against my will for that to happen. They were not perfect before and their not gonna be perfect now….period. My mission is not aesthetics….as always it is to....... SAVE MY LIFE……..