Love can heal....

Well, I love my cousin so therefore I can forgive her....don't get it twisted, I'm still mad as hell, and will kick her ass (literally) when I see her next, it won't take much she's a skinny little thang....I'm just ready to forgive. I have to. If I am preparing my body for surgery and praying for my healing to occur in the least painful way possible, then that includes my heart. 1 John 4:8 teaches me GOD is love, so the implication is that WE must love....

I have done some excellent reading lately. Dr. Susan Love's Breast Book is straightforward, and reassuring. Not that my bible isn't, it's just this book was enlightening. I felt like she was talking directly to me. Thank you Kelly for telling me to get it:)If you know of anyone going through this ~ get them this book!!

I talked to some really good friends this weekend ~ Diane who called to just check on me....Lysette who made me laugh about her new obsession with Judge Hatchett:).....Donna who called me between running the kids and dinner.....and Lil who's mother in law went through this and gave me valuable information which she called unsolicited advice:) She told me to make it a priority to take prune juice due to the amount of gas in my tummy after surgery. Now that's information a doctor won't tell you!!! What a support community I have!! I am slowly realizing how important it is to let go of the small things like dishes, laundry, cleaning....they don't matter in the grand scheme of things. I am glad my desk is moved to my bedroom, 'cause the laundry and cleaning will drive me crazy if not done....I'm learning.....slowly.

So I am in school as well as working and taking care of a household....my advisor suggested that I take a medical leave from school...hahaha....he's a fool. Seriously, that's the only thing I am in control of and he wants to take it away. I feel like as long as I am able why not? It's not about pushing myself, it's about being productive. Yes I will rest, yes I will take it easy, yes I will allow my support community to do for me but I can't just be inactive. I can be active when I'm dead I say....don't take the one thing that I am and can do. I told him to take a mental health leave 'cause he was crazy.....anywho....

I went to church yesterday and my pastor talked about the simplicity of prayer. How prayer does not have to be this long soliloquy of ramblings. Be specific. GOD knows what's in your heart and soul but is he a mind reader? Probably, but we still need to be specific in prayer. So my prayer today is for total healing, that my surgeons hands are steady and that they use clean instruments (he said specific) and to take ALL the gauze out......SAVING MY LIFE.....