Secrets....

So much has happened in the last 24 hours I can't see straight. I can't even write this morning. My twin cousin sister (yes it says exactly what I mean) has taken over for me. I will blog another time but for now here is a message from Paula:

March 6, 2009

When ignorance isn’t bliss

I hate family secrets! I truly, truly do. I realize that people make the best decisions that they can in the midst of circumstances (and I am no exception). I also know, from experience, that sometimes the secrets you find out are ones you wish you didn’t know. But sometimes, some times what you don’t know CAN hurt you. Here’s an example. One cousin in the family is diagnosed with a condition that leads to a double mastectomy. Meanwhile, another cousin was diagnosed and treated for the same condition, but said nothing to the first cousin about it. Now, I understand that some people prefer to keep their illnesses, medical conditions, and diagnoses private. I do not understand why, however, when it comes to breast issues particularly breast cancer (at any step, stage or phase), people are suddenly so closemouthed. I mean really. Some folks tell you about all the mediocre happenings in their lives, or worse yet, offer fake affection or interest in your life, but then when he or she has information that could potentially benefit you (i.e. medical information that might help save your life), you can’t pry their lips apart with a crowbar! Wtf? Yes, I said it. WTF?! For those of you who do not know what this means, ask.
There is a back story to the example I mentioned. Like the fact that the two cousins are not on friendly/speaking terms due to miscommunication regarding the planning of a family reunion. Emotions ran high, words (and emails and cross conversations) were exchanged, feelings were hurt, division ensued, and now, when it counts the most, this pathetic, non-communicative bullshit causes one cousin to go through a lumpectomy without the prayers and support of her extended family, and the other cousin, Kim, to face the loss of both breasts, with the prayers and support of her original, immediate, and extended family and friends. I put it to you the readers. Who is better off? Kim or my other cousin? What if my other cousin had shared, even casually, that she was having breast issues? What if Kim had gotten her mammogram six months earlier? I have had mammograms since the age of 32 because I noticed that something wasn’t right. Last fall, my doctors did additional tests after my mammogram because they “thought they saw something”. Look, ten years later, I still have tests done because I know that it could only be a matter of time before I am the one in Kim’s position, or my other cousin’s position (not that I would have known she ever faced such a dilemma except for a conversation between two other people). I tell you, all this round robin communication gets on my nerves. I am so sick of people talking all AROUND but never TO the people that they know they should be talking to directly. Again I ask wtf is wrong with this picture??
Personally, I don’t give a damn about the past. Yes, the past shapes and defines you, but it does not determine your final outcome. If we, as a family, are to survive through thick and thin, sickness and health, good times and bad times, then people need to start speaking up and talking about what is happening in their lives. WE ARE FAMILY! We may not like each other at times. We may get on each other’s last nerve. We may find out more than we ever bargained for or wanted to know, but WE ARE FAMILY. It should be enough to SAVE SOMEONE'S LIFE.....