Unrealistic expectations....

I am really disappointed. I honestly thought I would be feeling better, able to move around better and be more functional. I am driving but that is even limited. I cannot grocery shop, take the box to the post office for my cousin or some moments make myself something to eat. It's frustrating.....

I have great family and friends that are able and willing to do for me but I feel like I am a burden. I hate to be pitied, I think it's pathetic to pity someone, but I physically cannot do some of the things I want to do so I'm stuck. I had a conversation with some dear friends today and after telling me to shut up, explained that this is what friends are for. Well, duh I know that....I am a good friend....I would do whatever needed to be done for Elisa, Val and Yolande and the many others out there, so why can't I just let myself relax? Why can't I accept the help without feeling guilty and burdensome? It's these damn wacky pills making me feel this way I just know it.....

Okay, I have new issues. I think I am developing a condition called lymphodema. I am not self-diagnosing I had a form of this with my c-sections. It's where the fluid and tissue in the surgical area builds up and thickens and becomes hard. It's very uncomfortable and is getting on my nerves. I go see both docs next week so we will get this resolved....and hopefully I will heal better....notice I said better not faster.....

I would like everyone to know what a great son I have....my oldest. These past 3 days without my mom have been easier because of him. He has set his alarm clock to get up 15 minutes before everybody, gets himself together, gets up his brother and sister which is no easy task and fixes them breakfast. He does a few chores before I take them to school. He was not asked to do any of these things he just has. I feel guilty because he is 12, but he is also a young man who is coming into his own, gaining insight into what it means to be responsible, and he generally is a wonderful child. I am truly blessed. He told me today thanks for raising him and that made my heart swell....or it coulda been the percocet, I can't tell these days.....but I do know he's helping to SAVE MY LIFE.....