....and it's not the train trying to run me over....So yesterday was my last fill!! Yup, I’m done getting poked and prodded…. I am done. My doc wanted to talk me into getting a small C cup….I said no…ya see I’m still in control. He tries to be in control and some things I cannot get a handle on as much as I try, but my new bra cup size I can. Control is such a nasty trait and I’m working on it, but some things I am not willing to compromise on. I have 500cc’s of saline and I’m good. Now, my skin must rest for 3 weeks and then my consultation for the implant surgery. I don’t know why we could not consult yesterday, I was there, he was there, and even my hubby was there. What’s there to consult about? You take out the expander's; you put in my saline monuments to the world, sew me up and keep going….all this meeting and consulting is getting on my nerves. I’m starting to get impatient again. I just want this to be over.
Speaking of hubby….and I mean what I am about to say in the most loving way….is a pain in the ass to take grocery shopping. I can do the normal shopping but when we go to Sam’s Club I am ready to strangle him. I think he gets excited when he sees the big boxes and bundles of socks. He places things in the cart that are not on the list and then I either take them out or give him a look to take the item out. He pouts like a kid when he can’t have the 800 pound box of Oreos and makes it his mission to find every free sample he can….twice. I like to have my list go in get what I need and leave. He likes to browse the aisles; not missing the samples and picks up anything that catches his eye….it’s annoying as hell. I love him dearly, he puts up with my crazy ass BUT I cannot wait until the day I can go to Sam’s Club alone….
I cannot believe summer is ½ way over…the kids are continuing their summer activities to include summer school which surprisingly they like and I continue to heal. Even though I am impatient and feeling like I need to gain control of everything moving in my life, I continue to pray and summon up the wisdom of spirituality and faith. I am continually exploring diverse pathways to that spiritual fulfillment and vow not to do anything I don’t want to do. This includes invitations for July 4th…I want to be at home, with my family end of story. I get tired of people not understanding why I don’t want to do some thing’s or go certain places. I simply don’t want to….hahaha….I have actually always been like this it’s just been enhanced in the last 6 months. I still struggle with finding meaning in this experience and quiet time at home will allow me to achieve personal growth as well. I have been hyper focused on school, getting assignments done early and I like that feeling. So, if I’m not where people think I should be this weekend, I am actually where I want to be. Remembering that my faith has been the compass to guide me through this is….SAVING MY LIFE….
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